One step at a time...

I don't know why i can no longer blog like i used to.

For the past few days, i've been consistently blogging my thoughts...only to 'Ctrl+A' and 'Del' barely 30 minutes later...

It has been a long time since my last post....and somehow, i've lost that zest , that confidence in writing whatever i thought, not caring what people who do read my blog would think.

So let's try this again (Cross your fingers i don't actually repeat the vicious cycle all over again~!) haha..

Let's see...

What has been happening in the world of 'Raja Syazwina' thus far....??
I took my last exam paper (again...fingers crossed~!) for my BSc Architecture last April 29th, and right now, am just waiting nervously for the results to come out.
For my old friends whom i meet in passing once every few years (?!!?)...whenever i fret or worry bout exam results, it will always be passed off as just an act of paranoia.
" You...sure pass with flying colours lah!"
ahahha...i hope so too....cos this final semester could be the very semester that i 'performed' the least! Those who take studio will know why. I don't wanna waste my brain energy thinking about what's already over now.

For the past three years...i've slaved my ass off trying to maintain my cgpa. I had a goal. This was partly due to a certain lecturer who motivated me and gave me directions (positively of course). I was motivated. Nothing could break that self-confidence. I knew where i was headed. During the first year in UM, yes...I had a 10 year plan already mapped out. Heck, i even tranferred unis just so i could obtain that accreditation!

But reality isn't and will never be Utopia. The imaginary world where everything's perfect.
In this world, in this reality, we will always face stumbling blocks. Those blocks could be your surrounding, your peers...or even your superiors...!

I bet everyone's heard this before : When you fall, you pick yourself up. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Every semester has been a fight to the last breath. Even caught chicken pox towards the end of second year! hahha..Anyway, back to the main point....the struggle became harder and harder. As i progressed, i found the ugly truth behind certain matters....I realized i no longer liked the person i was turning into (whose fault is it?) Competition brings out the worst in people. To succeed, they step on people. I'm not exactly saying everyone's like this....because along the way, i have met kind souls who would take the time to take my hands and guide me. But , the former greatly outnumbers the latter, and it has slowly but surely changed my perception of people.

Yes, sadly, these days, when people are being nice to me ...i can't stop but think "i wonder what you want from me". Apprehension is the worst quality to be within oneself. It prevents you from being nice without first thinking things through. It totally stops you from being the wonderful person you need to be to those around you ( even if they're just blood-sucking creatures!haha)

I've been told time and time again that in this dog eat dog world, you can trust no one. Because yes...they seem nice to you...but once they've found enough use for you...they put you aside. In the end , you were just another stepping stone. I'm tired of being someone's stepping stone. And it's not just paranoia i tell you. It seems little bit more than coincidence don't you think that once you've taught what you know, the next moment, they claim they know it all...even pushing you aside. ?!?!?!

A friend in need is a friend indeed. I would definitely call myself lucky if one day that statement holds true.

Dear friend,
don't be slighted by my comments. And if you are, and if you can see yourself getting over it, maybe then can we consider ourselves as friends. Think about it.

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As I'm lazy to post up so many entries...and since im on a roll (heh..reli?!?!)...we shall continue with the story...

I passed studio. won't say more on that matter. But ,to de-stress myself from all that's been happening...my mom, after hearing that my aunt has some business to attend to in Jakarta thought that it would be a good idea for me to holiday there.

And so...on the 5th of May 2009 ...I went! to Jakarta ! Alone!
Took the Air Asia flight early that morning , and upon reaching Soekarno-Hatta Airport, i took the cab service by Avis to meet the aunt at Sari Pan Pacific Hotel. It was a loooong ride...and me afraid at that time of riding in the car alone...kept quiet all the way until a message from my aunt asked me to enquire with the driver how much longer would it be before i reached 'sarpac'.
Phew. the driver was a friendly uncle. aahhah.

Could you blame my nervousness? With stories of people being cheated, luggage stolen...and worst case scenario...just left in the middle of the highway?!?! And it never helps when even your lecturer seems to be telling you all these dark tales. hahaha. owell....thanks for the advice people. i do appreciate it. it made me a wiser traveller.

Okay...so shopping with the aunt was fun. FYI, i spent very little ...cos breakfast and dinner was always...erm...provided...ahahhaha...

The only shopping i did was for my parents and sister! imagine that! hahah...nola...i did buy myself a few things too...

Jakarta was a whole new experience for me. Although the likes of Thailand,Singapore, Vienna, Prague, Korea have all added to my travelling experience, but Jakarta was the first time i ventured out alone on the streets! Yes, in the other countries...i've frequently gotten myself lost and had to find my way back...but i've always had a person to call if anything happened and if that didnt work, the moment we arrived in any country, there would always be someone who taught me the public transportation system!

In Jakarta Pusat, there were these transjakarta buses (superb during traffic jams...but might have to stand the entire journey!), the highly expensive taxis, the 'tuk-tuks' which you could bargain (clearly not good at that)...and wow...the ojeks!

Transjakarta bus...

With or without the aunt's permission , i tried out everything except for the Ojek. My logic was, the other modes of transportation, if i were to scream for help, others around could still come to my rescue (paham tak paham tu lain cerita la). So even on the very first day, when i still wasnt familiarized with the area, i went to Sarinah Department as aunt suggested....and then straight went to Tanah Abang! hahaha....konon nak shopping sakan laa...

Tuk-tuk! The famous Tanah Abang. more people were out to rip-me off than give me good deals. *sigh*

Everything interesting that could happen, indeed happened. I went for a guided land tour of old Batavia...and let's just say...the tour group was sooo small...consider it a PRIVATE TOUR! hehhee...the tour guide was my age. we ended up discussing things involving education in Indonesia as well. and no...still not an expert on that matter.
The harbour...
The Chinese temple...

Kids camwhoring in front of the Fatahillah Square

Mangga Dua...

Jakarta wasnt the only thing i learnt when i was there. My Aunt! wow....after just 3 days with her....i actually understand a little?!?! about the world of re-insurance. Believe me when i say this...i never knew why the swiss-re building was named swiss-re when it was an insurance company. ahahha....ok. that's stupid. end of story. But let's just say...we got to talking...and agreed that sometimes...things just fall into place, fated if you may say so.
Never meant to be in a certain industry doesnt mean that once the opportunity comes knocking on your door that you wouldn't eventually love it ...right?

Right now...i'm searching for that 'soul' i lost. The drive to chase after that dream of mine. that dream is still alive. You may steal my soul, but never ever my passion! When a door closes, another opens...We'll see what the next door holds for me...

Next up? ..

UM-USC Joint Summer in Asia Programme !!!
Off to China in like 9 days! Hopefully all systems go and we'll have a BLAST!
Till my next ranting session...eh..why are you still reading la...shooo!shooo!!! HAHAHAHA....